Long time no see (a month, to be precise).

These past weeks has been really… Weird? I don’t know. Ever since my little meltdown in the September vlog, there’s been some ups and downs. I had some few more meltdowns. And then I got to my breaking point. From there, I would say I’m slowly, in a way, moving upwards. But it’s still hard at times. I’ve just gotten to the point where I realized I’ve gotten my frustration out enough.

People tell me not to stress. But it doesn’t have that much with stress to do. It’s my desperate need of going out and getting new impulses. Experience. Have new thoughts. Discover new environments.

I’m someone who can’t stand just being in a little bubble. There’s so much out there. And in especially at this age and at a time where I want to taste everything. Ever since I got home from film school last year, I’ve wanted to go into different directions. But I can’t think my way to new impulses. I need to experience them.

The night before Monday I made my decision, and ordered an appointment for the morning after to fix a new passport. Now I’m not talking about some super long year abroad-type of thing (because of school), but I have decided that I need to drop some lectures to make this happen. I’ll update you on this one, of course.

So now, for last: I thought, why not make a little list of thoughts I’ve had/things I’ve learned or tried out these past months:

Will it help to stay a bit off social media? Think about how much information and distractions you’re exposed to every single day because of social media. I love social media, but it can always a be a bit too much of everything. Not that just wasting time on your phone can be bad itself, but you see what everyone else is doing, compare yourself – and that’s a distraction itself. That’s a lot of noice and voices. Your inner voice gets lower. That’s another type than just the “my phone distracts me from doing my homework” kind of distraction.

And also I’ve realized how much I thought I had been working just because I’m posting pictures on Instagram or putting out mystoryes on Snapchat. I’ve spent less time planning and making sure I create good content for YouTube, than “hang out” on social media. That’s bad (especially for someone who is supposed to be a YouTuber, lol).

Lately I’ve actually managed to not check my phone that often, and I’ve realized it actually makes a positive impact on me inside. So for various reasons why I try to stay more away: 1. Not get distracted by others lives 2. Spend that time to do what really matters 3. Not feel like I have to update everyone every hour of the day.

Other than that, school is actually going great, and I’m super happy with the response on my new single “I Don’t Care” which I will link down below. Recording the lyric video this week as well. Now this is the positive type of stress that I enjoy: Having a lot to do which includes learning new things at school and being creative with my side hustle projects.

My new single “I Don’t Care” on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/4V20ZgIBZQgqOHGEdaBwhT

Also, I had a role in a commercial shoot yesterday for my school! It’s always fun and different to be on a different type of set with make up artists, directors, photographers ++ than just you and your camera in your bedroom (even though I enjoy that, too).

My latest video where I talk a little bit about have I’ve felt lately:

Hope everyone is having a fantastic week, and we’ll talk soon!

Photos by Maria V.