Here’s to the present (and why I was much cooler as a child)

Here’s a funny thing.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it.

The reason why everything have felt so effing hard is because of thoughts. There was really not much of external problems. It was my mind.

And so while I try to learn this new thing called “Don’t judge yourself”, I feel the need to judge myself a little bit for this. For me overthinking from the lava in the middle of the earth out to the next galaxy.

I miss the younger me. I was a much cooler kid when I was younger. I didn’t ask much for permission: whether it was society or people close to me. I didn’t ask so many confusing, deep questions about everything. I just did things. I didn’t care if I was good at it, if it was “meant to be” or anything. I just lived life.

So that’s one part of adulting that really has had me fooled: Trying to overcomplicate shit and be so “smart” and “reflective” over everything and making sure perfectionism has had it’s peak of it’s own.

I was excited about the future – not stressed about it. I didn’t stress about tests. I didn’t think about what path would lead to what. I just went ahead and did things.

I think for the past 2 years I’ve had more of a mess in my mind that I’ve had all through my teenager years. Yes. I was a pretty stable teenager. It’s as if puberty hit me mentally in my late teens/early 20’s.

I really don’t need to read any more motivational or inspirational books. Today I bought “The Power Of Now”. It’s supposed to give you insight into how not identify yourself with your thoughts, and become more aware of the present. To live in the present. All there is now is now. Not the future. Not the past.

When I study I get worried about my grades. And then my degree. And then my future. Fuck.

When I work on a project I would rather give into procrastination, I ask myself “Is this taking me towards my goal? Am I going to be happy with this when I’m 40?”

Sometimes, it can be nice to take a minute and reflect over certain things. To have some sort of goal or direction.

But if you’re going to live your life based on the future every single fucking second, you’re never going to enjoy the present. Because one day, the future will become present. And you won’t be able to focus. And the results will just get shittier in the future than if you actually focused on what you had in front of you right now. If you plan everything and are always going to make sure you’re always following what you had “planned”, you’ll never leave room for the exciting, hidden, uncertain things that are just waiting to give you a even better surprise.

So cheers: Here’s to the present.

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Late night thoughts + I did it!

It’s 2am at night, and I’m actually blogging from the phone + I got school in the morning. That’s how much I feel inspired to write something now. 🙂

You know when I feel safe? I feel safe when I can  be hurt and have negative thoughts, but yet feel like you’re in a good place. Where I’m thankful, grateful, but still accept the fact that you’re going  to have a negative thought here and there, and maybe even feel pain.

Something I’ve been more heads up on lately, is how important your relations to your loved ones are. How you treat people. How lucky you are if someone tells you they are proud of you and something you did, or just wanted to write you something.

Today I’ve gotten endlessly of support. I took the chance that I’ve been waiting for so long: I announced on my YouTube channel that I’m switching over to speaking in English in my videos. I was terrified. There were so many reasons not to do it. I could lose potential sponsorships, lose viewers and so on. But then there was that one reason: That big dream.

I’ve been honest with myself, and realized that if I was going to be able to create my dream content and put fully focus into my passion project beside school, I had to make some changes. I honestly regretted posting the announcement for like an hour afterwards, but then I remembered why I did it. And then all the overwhelming, positive response made it a lot easier as well. ❤️

I’ve seen long texts by fan accounts on Instagram, snaps and comments on the announcement video. It makes my heart warm to see comments from both friends and viewers – all my loved ones ❤️

I’m excited. I feel strong. I’m ready to take on the world! Wanna join me? Do what you’ve always wanted to do today. No, not tomorrow. Take that first step! And then you’re on your way… ☺️

The announcement video. It’s in Norwegian though, obviously. Excited for English content to come! Video here

A different feeling

I feel calm, but yet excited. I feel like something is different.

This year has been all about figuring out who I am. Or well, “You don’t find yourself… You create yourself”. Isn’t that what they say? I guess everyone kind of does that all the time, especially in your teens and 20’s, but this year is something different.

I’ve explored different options. Tried out new things. And now I’m onto this transformation where I’m heading into a new direction. It might work out, and it might not. But is there one thing that’s for sure: You don’t know by just trying it out in your head – you have to execute in real life.

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A pic from yesterday that I posted on Instagram in collaboration with Daniel Wellington. ❤️ Finally, I cleaned up and can actually SEE my desk!

This week I’ve prioritized school a lot and turned down other things (for example seeing one of the world’s biggest YouTubers on stage in Norway – hopefully another time, Miranda Sings!), and that has actually had an impact on this feeling I’ve had lately. It’s actually been… Refreshing. I haven’t hung out that much with friends and kind of just been focusing on school. I feel like I’ve had to time to be by myself and think more about my own opinions, thoughts and feelings. And not just that, but it has also helped me on the creative side. Now that I’m prioritizing school so much, I’ve also had to prioritize what kind of creative work I want to do. That has led to cutting out things I’m not that hyped about creating, and been more focus on one and one project. I spend more time per “big” project than just small things that in the end take a lot of time from things from the big things I could have created, if that makes sense. Sharpening my focus is definitely important, especially in this world today where we are constantly distracted.

Something different I posted on my YouTube channel last week. ❤️ The voice-over is from this post I wrote on my way to New York this summer. 

But today is Saturday, and I put off time tonight to hang out with my friends. ❤️ Love to see so many people I enjoy and love in the same place! But first… Tax law homework. See you! xoxo Mondelia ❤️

You need to take risks to grow

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Hey guys,

New York was AMAZING. I’m editing a vlog in a new style that I haven’t had much of on my channel earlier, so I’m excited to share that. Speaking of “new style”…

Lately I’ve had a lot of new ideas and creations for new type of videos and channel ideas. But I’m scared. Usually I was never scared to try out new things. But then my creative side created a business side. I now have an audience that expect certain things from me. I have people on the business side who create money of my business. I have people around me who have opinions on what I do.

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A screenshot from the new vlog from New York. Yes, my friend Ellen got amazing hair.

It’s not just that, though. I could have my new ideas and have them as an side hustle. But you got limited time. This fall school is my first priority, and I wish I had more than 24 hours than Beyoncé do, but I don’t. As Marie Forleo said in a video I watched of hers (along those 50 other ones): “Saying yes to one thing, is saying no to another one”.

There’s a reason why it took a long time before I launched Career Material. Because I had so much other stuff going on. And then I realized that to keep a certain focus, energy and have time for something, you need to say cut off other stuff that means something you.

But then I again… I can’t always do the same stuff. No one can. It’s important to take risks and try out new things to grow and learn. I know this. But it’s terrifying (more than I like to admit).

I got so much inspiration. And that’s why I hate feeling like I got to stick with something old. I feel like I say “I don’t know what I want”, but I do know what I want, but I use than excuse to create another problem that will disguise the real problem. You get me? Is it  a bigger failure to never try new stuff and to play it safe, or do something that may disappoint those around you and yourself?

I have a meeting next week that will determine and maybe have a lot of saying for what I will do next. We’ll see. I’ll update you guys. 🙂

Is there something you want to do right now that excites you, yet scares you? Or if you have been in this situation… What did you do? – Mondelia

Is it important to attend college?

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Ah, a big question for many (including my self). A lot of people have asked me “Why majoring in economy?” when the media world is my field and passion, which I’m going to explain in this post as well. I just want to write some thoughts and reflect around this whole “Do you need college?” thing.

My early life relationship to school

School has always been super important to my family. Both of my parents are doctors and went to medical school. I’m an only child, but if I had two siblings I’d guess at least 2/3 of us would become a lawyer, engineer, economist and maybe even a doctor as well. Luckily, my parents never wanted me to become a doctor, and actually have advised me from doing it. But if I had told them I wasn’t going to attend college after high school, I’d probably be sent to a boarding school in China. Just kidding (I hope… But at least something close it).

When I got my internship at 16 at Topp Magazine, the ones working there told me “You already got gold on your resume”. Here I was, 16 and a freshman in high school, with my own desk and computer at Norway’s biggest teen magazine. I got emails from students at journalism school who asked how I did it. I was in a position graduates from journalism school dreamed of. My YouTube channel also started to grow, and I was already in the business that I wanted to be a part of. I had my dream job, and I had gotten a lot of contacts within the business. After my internship, I worked at a PR firm for half a year at a “prestigious office” at Aker Brygge before I decided to focus more on my channel and school. My co-workers were students at marketing schools etc, and here I was. An 18 year old senior.

Still, I chose to attend business school after high school to learn more about economics and business law. I knew it didn’t really “need” to, because I already had a strong network and resume. But It’s not a secret that because we have this “system” there is a pressure to attend college, but I was actually excited about it. Even though I kind of needed to create some sort of excitement around it anyways, considering I knew it was not an option to not to go to college.

What do I think now?

I just finished the first year of my bachelor’s degree within economy and business law. I’m in my room and I’m thinking… What did I learn this school year? I mean, there are some interesting things I’ve catched up upon. But have I learned more here than in an everyday work life? Not to talk about I also got a super nice debt (that will be fun to look at when my bachelor is over).

I’ve watched a lot of Gary Vee’s videos lately, especially the ones where he talks about college:

Now, I would not discuss if education is important in general. We should all have the rights to learn how to write, read and basic math. If no one was educated, it wouldn’t really look right to the world. Knowledge is super important. But is it important to attend college? This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Now I’m not talking about becoming a lawyer or doctor, but for example business and marketing, like Gary talks about.

The first thing I have to say when the question is “Do you need college?” is… Well, you don’t really need anything in life (except water and food). Do you really need that degree and piece of paper? We’ve all heard plenty of times the sunshine stories of people with no college degree who makes millions of dollars and did just fine. I think, as for nearly everything else, it all comes down to the individual. What you want in life, how the circumstances are for you right now (and if they are not like you want them to be, create that environment now) etc. One thing I do know and like to say, is that your education alone is a very small percentage of it in a work setting. The education can be what you make it, and the degree will probably not hurt you when seeking a job. But if school doesn’t sound motivating at all, and you’re a hard worker who got a great idea? Go for the business idea! Maybe it will include you taking a part time job on the side, but you can still work smart and hard with your passion project.

It’s what you use it for that counts. I’d like to be better at drafting contracts etc., which I’ll learn more about the next years since I specialize within business law. A lot of people have asked me “Why economy?” when I work within media, but that’s exactly why: I don’t feel like the professors at a school can teach me more about how to make it in the social media world than what the internet can, and what I already have learned from work experience. I chose economy & business law because I wanted to become better at something that is not my main field. If I’m going to college, I might as well choose a major where I can learn something that can help me with my future businesses. I’ll admit, personally, the thought of having no college degree scares me. But I’m not sure if that’s because of the system of society or my parents (not that I have anything against going to a boarding school in China, but I’m perfectly fine here in Oslo).

If you want to work within marketing, already got a lot of work experience and strong connections, I’d say you’ll do just fine without an education. By all means, still go to college if that’s you dream, but I wouldn’t feel like I needed it. At least use school for more than just the classes. Network and make connections. Create relationships. Make the most out of it! But remember that people would want to work with you because you can show results within your field. Not the grades or the name of a degree on your paper.

What’s very, very important, is that no matter what you choose, you got to believe in yourself. I don’t care how cliché that sounds. If you keep doubting you and your ideas, it’s automatically going to be so much harder.

So, to make a conclusion: I think no matter what you choose – as long as you’re a hard worker, have belief and got a good head, I wouldn’t worry. Maybe I’ll write a post in 5 (or 10) years from now on with the same title, but with a bit different (and better) answer. Maybe even a “10 questions to see if you should attend college”. I still got two more years of college left as well, so we’ll see. What are your thoughts on this?

What are you “meant to” choose as a career? And when visions starts to change…

Originally written in early June 2017.

I’ve always had a lot of different hobbies and passions, and it’s hard for me to pick just “one thing” I like to do. I loved everything from writing, photography, film, editing, graphic design, dancing, singing, playing instruments and so on. But what I wanted to become for a long time was to become a film/music video director. That’s what I, for a long time (around age 12-16), pictured myself I would be doing. I loved creating stories, whether if it was a short film, story or a song. It wasn’t about film being better than everything else (like music), but more about that I thought I would be happier with that as my career. Film also seemed more as “work” (in a positive way), if that makes sense? As a director you have a lot of responsibility etc, as well to the creative part. It would also just be a much bigger project than just record a song – it would cover most of my beloved areas of hobbies/passions than just directing (like photography, editing ++). So while making videos in spare time while going to school, my goal was to go to film school in L.A. after high school and study film. I was so set on it for years.

Then I opened my eyes for YouTube. I started watching YouTubers who made videos regularly. The perfect fit! An online plattform where you could share content you create from home. So I started my own channel. I guess my goal was still becoming a director, but YouTube was a fun thing to do as a hobby.

Then I also got an internship at Topp Magazine – the biggest teen magazine in Norway. I was only 16, and in my first year of high school. I learned a lot and got to experience so many cool things so many kids my age at that time would just dream of. Interviewing popular boyband members, being invited to exclusive events and get my articles published. My visions started to change. My focus shifted from film to journalism and YouTube. I also became Topp’s first official blogger, and my YouTube channel started to grow.

Through my internship I met a music producer. He had seen some of my singing videos on YouTube, and we started to collaborate. I had been dancing since I was 5, playing the piano from the age of 8, singing in choir and written a lot of songs in my room from before. When I was 18 I released my first official single, and because of the following I had from YouTube and Topp, it did pretty good. Of course as a kid I’ve had visions and thoughts about how it is to be a big superstar singer, and I had some experience from performing at school etc., but I just never had a goal to choose “singer” as my career option. So when this opportunity came around, of course I wasn’t going to let it down. I’m not 100% why I wasn’t set on becoming a singer before, but I think there were some various reasons I was aware of: A lot of people “can sing”, and maybe I just never thought it would be something extraordinary. I also had never ever met a girl in my life  (and not a lot of guys either) who said their dream was to become a director, so I felt I stood more out. Maybe I thought becoming a “singer” was just so… Cliché? We could also mention the fact that music is a hard thing to make a living of, but film director is not known for being the most stable career choice either.

But then we also have my family, who have influenced me to get an education. Not getting is education is kind of not a choice. And since I want to mix business and creativity, I thought economy and business law would be a good choice. So after high school I dropped my “going to LA to study film”-long time goal, and kept on going in Oslo where my new career and college was expecting me.

Now I’m sitting in my own home office, turning 20 years old in under 2 months, and I’m questioning myself and what I want to do. Even though I have a career and actually make money out of this, I feel a bit lost. I don’t feel I’m specializing myself in anything. I see my friends go for one thing, and they spend their time being good at just that. And then I feel like I’m bad at the things I do, because I don’t have “one thing” I’m spending all my time doing.

There are just so many options in this world. I feel lucky that I’m a part of the world where I can do anything I want to… But sometimes it’s just hard to choose what you want to do. Or well, I know what I want: But it’s hard to be picky when you love so many things and feel like you have so many passions. But I’ve also discovered the down sides with a lot of these things as well. Especially with being a public figure, but I guess because of social media a lot of us can relate to that.

I love making YouTube videos, but obviously I wouldn’t have made videos like “morning routine” and “18 things I love about guys” if it wasn’t for the intention of sharing it on this plattform. Before YouTube I used to make short films, funny videos and spend hours of just finding new effects for the editing part – without having any intention of sharing it anywhere.

I’ve always loved all of the things I’m doing now, and I still do. But I think my intentions has shifted a little. Most of the things I create today is because I expect an audience. I expect a certain number. I want to see the likes, comments, subscribers, streams and views roll in. It’s OK to visualize and hope for that: The problem is that when it becomes my main goal. When that is my drive. When the outer motivation eats the inner motivation. When I don’t come up with an idea because it’s a cool idea, but because I feel like I need to post something and want to see the number of views. That’s not what drives my creativity. Sometimes I wonder if I was more creative at the age of 13 than today.

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13 year old Tina with her first DSLR camera… I took that with me everywhere I went. 
What I learned from this, is that it’s not always so much about what you do, but how you do it. I’m not saying I now want to drop everything I do now and go back to my film director dream (even though that has been a temptation a couple of times), but I should be careful with what drives me. Let’s say I want to create a media company where my focus is to work with influencers: I’d want to be creative and make some cool projects and try to do fun marketing, as a fun project itself. Not being driven by the views or money. Just because something is commerce, doesn’t mean it can’t be good. There’s a reason why pop music is the most commerce genre – it’s because people like it.

So my tip for you reading this, is that you should look at what drives you – and does it work? Does it seem meaningful to you? Are some passions better as a hobby, or vice versa? If you want to become a singer and make a living of it, you gotta remember it’s so much more than just “singing”. It’s the environment, the people, social media, being compared to other singers, management, business stuff, and the list goes on. And what does it take to be a singer expect just having a good voice? Do you really think you would be happy doing it for a living? This is obviously something you need to experience for yourself, so if you do have a dream, chase it. You’ll find out on the way. You won’t know unless you try. I’m just giving the critical questions as well to point out that there are other things than just the “main quality” itself when choosing a career. Maybe you wouldn’t see yourself as a lawyer, but do you like solving problems? Do you think it would be fun to fight for justice everyday? Do you think criminal justice for example sounds exciting? Would you feel safe knowing you’d have a stable income every month? You get my point.

I just realized the topic for this post could be a lot of things, like “When visions starts to change…”, “Inner VS Outer motivation” and the winner “What are you “meant to do”?”. But I hope there was some sort of clear point to this (even though I was kind of everywhere, as usual). This is one of those nights where I felt it so in my stomach that I had to write something.

Please tell me if you have any thoughts regarding this! And you definitely deserve a huge cookie, pizza and ice cream if you read all of this… Love, Career Material xx

Stress & anxiety: My little breakdown… In public

Hi guys!

Long time no see. What have I been up to? Well… Stressing.

I’ve been busy with finals. This semester I’ve had 3 exams so far – 1 more to go. Also, I’ve had a couple of performances with my music and been working on YouTube-related things. There has been a lot happening.

It’s weird. I thought there was so much time for me to study for finals. But suddenly they were here. I have felt guilt most of time, considering I haven’t read as much as I should. I think one of the exams went pretty well, but the rest…? They are more math-related subjects, and not something you can learn in 2 weeks. I’ve gone to most of the lectures, but the teachers usually go through “what you were supposed to already have read in your textbooks and done related tasks to”. So I guess that didn’t help much…

Ever since around December-time, I’ve gone back and forth in my head. I didn’t want the same things as I’ve wanted before. The goals I created as a 16 year old, had a slightly different direction now. It scared me a little, at the same time I was excited. You can change a lot in 3 years, especially between 16 and 19. But I was confused. What did I really want then? I questioned (still kinda question) my goals, work, environment, friends, boys, family, school, my music…

I’ve had my moments through this semester. But yesterday my body and mind told me they had enough. I was stressing to make it in time for dinner with my parents, and at the same time I was stressing in my head because I felt like I hadn’t read enough for my finance exam that day. And the fact that I still haven’t cracked that code for how to understand the subject really in depth.

I sat on the tram. My phone and all social media related things distracted me. I forgot to leave the tram at the right station. When I found out I stressed out even more. When we made it to the next station, I knew I needed to run to make the bus. I usually always run to make public transportation in time… But this time, I couldn’t. It was like my thoughts and feelings all weighted me down. It felt super heavy. I felt something weird happening to my body. “Maybe I should go home”, I thought. But then I realized I kinda had already ordered my dinner over the phone, so I felt like I had to keep going. And I actually made the bus in time…

But I felt a sting of regret as I sat down on the bus. My breathing quickened and started to become a bit heavier, and I was super scared to cry on the bus. “It’s OK”, I told myself. “It’s OK”. And the breathing started slowing down.

I arrived at the right station, and entered the restaurant a minute later. I said hi to my parents and sat down. They asked me how things were going, and then it didn’t take 5 seconds before I broke down. And I hate crying in public.

So… After that little breakdown, I’ve already done some changes. First of all, I’m already on a social media detox. The amount of time I spend on social media is something I’ve found is not healthy. Constantly checking for updates, the need to update everyone else on what you are doing, conversations that lasts too long so you forget what you were REALLY supposed to at that time, comparing yourself to people who seem to have the perfect life etc. The list is long. I announced on Snapchat and Insta that I needed a little break for a couple of days.

Second of all: PRIORITIZING. I think I’ve actually already become better at this before the little incident yesterday. I’ve become better at saying no to things if I don’t feel like it’s giving me that much of a value for the direction I want to go in, and saying no to people who I don’t really feel like give me that much energy. But I definitely need to prioritize school more. I already skipped a birthday party today that I was really looking forward to, to spend the time preparing for finance. Not sure whether I’m going to an event and dinner with the colleagues tomorrow night, but if I’m effective with my studying, I might.

So those two are the most important ones. Luckily, the breakdown didn’t make me feel like I needed a break from school or anything like that. I’m actually more motivated. I’ve read a lot of news within economy, and had a “study videos” marathon on YouTube. studyign, Study With Jess and Ana Mascara are some of my favorites so far! Oh, and I also found out about Doctor Mike and his channel yesterday. For those of you who already knows who he is… I don’t need to say anything more ❤

So, guys. Learn from my experience! Don’t stress yourself out. Don’t stress over your future – it’s OK to be confused, and not know what do yet. And definitely, do NOT start studying like crazy 2 weeks before finals. Effing start early. 🙂 I think I’m already going to read this summer and be prepared for the next semester… Bring it on.