Late night thoughts + I did it!

It’s 2am at night, and I’m actually blogging from the phone + I got school in the morning. That’s how much I feel inspired to write something now. 🙂

You know when I feel safe? I feel safe when I can  be hurt and have negative thoughts, but yet feel like you’re in a good place. Where I’m thankful, grateful, but still accept the fact that you’re going  to have a negative thought here and there, and maybe even feel pain.

Something I’ve been more heads up on lately, is how important your relations to your loved ones are. How you treat people. How lucky you are if someone tells you they are proud of you and something you did, or just wanted to write you something.

Today I’ve gotten endlessly of support. I took the chance that I’ve been waiting for so long: I announced on my YouTube channel that I’m switching over to speaking in English in my videos. I was terrified. There were so many reasons not to do it. I could lose potential sponsorships, lose viewers and so on. But then there was that one reason: That big dream.

I’ve been honest with myself, and realized that if I was going to be able to create my dream content and put fully focus into my passion project beside school, I had to make some changes. I honestly regretted posting the announcement for like an hour afterwards, but then I remembered why I did it. And then all the overwhelming, positive response made it a lot easier as well. ❤️

I’ve seen long texts by fan accounts on Instagram, snaps and comments on the announcement video. It makes my heart warm to see comments from both friends and viewers – all my loved ones ❤️

I’m excited. I feel strong. I’m ready to take on the world! Wanna join me? Do what you’ve always wanted to do today. No, not tomorrow. Take that first step! And then you’re on your way… ☺️

The announcement video. It’s in Norwegian though, obviously. Excited for English content to come! Video here

A different feeling

I feel calm, but yet excited. I feel like something is different.

This year has been all about figuring out who I am. Or well, “You don’t find yourself… You create yourself”. Isn’t that what they say? I guess everyone kind of does that all the time, especially in your teens and 20’s, but this year is something different.

I’ve explored different options. Tried out new things. And now I’m onto this transformation where I’m heading into a new direction. It might work out, and it might not. But is there one thing that’s for sure: You don’t know by just trying it out in your head – you have to execute in real life.

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A pic from yesterday that I posted on Instagram in collaboration with Daniel Wellington. ❤️ Finally, I cleaned up and can actually SEE my desk!

This week I’ve prioritized school a lot and turned down other things (for example seeing one of the world’s biggest YouTubers on stage in Norway – hopefully another time, Miranda Sings!), and that has actually had an impact on this feeling I’ve had lately. It’s actually been… Refreshing. I haven’t hung out that much with friends and kind of just been focusing on school. I feel like I’ve had to time to be by myself and think more about my own opinions, thoughts and feelings. And not just that, but it has also helped me on the creative side. Now that I’m prioritizing school so much, I’ve also had to prioritize what kind of creative work I want to do. That has led to cutting out things I’m not that hyped about creating, and been more focus on one and one project. I spend more time per “big” project than just small things that in the end take a lot of time from things from the big things I could have created, if that makes sense. Sharpening my focus is definitely important, especially in this world today where we are constantly distracted.

Something different I posted on my YouTube channel last week. ❤️ The voice-over is from this post I wrote on my way to New York this summer. 

But today is Saturday, and I put off time tonight to hang out with my friends. ❤️ Love to see so many people I enjoy and love in the same place! But first… Tax law homework. See you! xoxo Mondelia ❤️

Stress & anxiety: My little breakdown… In public

Hi guys!

Long time no see. What have I been up to? Well… Stressing.

I’ve been busy with finals. This semester I’ve had 3 exams so far – 1 more to go. Also, I’ve had a couple of performances with my music and been working on YouTube-related things. There has been a lot happening.

It’s weird. I thought there was so much time for me to study for finals. But suddenly they were here. I have felt guilt most of time, considering I haven’t read as much as I should. I think one of the exams went pretty well, but the rest…? They are more math-related subjects, and not something you can learn in 2 weeks. I’ve gone to most of the lectures, but the teachers usually go through “what you were supposed to already have read in your textbooks and done related tasks to”. So I guess that didn’t help much…

Ever since around December-time, I’ve gone back and forth in my head. I didn’t want the same things as I’ve wanted before. The goals I created as a 16 year old, had a slightly different direction now. It scared me a little, at the same time I was excited. You can change a lot in 3 years, especially between 16 and 19. But I was confused. What did I really want then? I questioned (still kinda question) my goals, work, environment, friends, boys, family, school, my music…

I’ve had my moments through this semester. But yesterday my body and mind told me they had enough. I was stressing to make it in time for dinner with my parents, and at the same time I was stressing in my head because I felt like I hadn’t read enough for my finance exam that day. And the fact that I still haven’t cracked that code for how to understand the subject really in depth.

I sat on the tram. My phone and all social media related things distracted me. I forgot to leave the tram at the right station. When I found out I stressed out even more. When we made it to the next station, I knew I needed to run to make the bus. I usually always run to make public transportation in time… But this time, I couldn’t. It was like my thoughts and feelings all weighted me down. It felt super heavy. I felt something weird happening to my body. “Maybe I should go home”, I thought. But then I realized I kinda had already ordered my dinner over the phone, so I felt like I had to keep going. And I actually made the bus in time…

But I felt a sting of regret as I sat down on the bus. My breathing quickened and started to become a bit heavier, and I was super scared to cry on the bus. “It’s OK”, I told myself. “It’s OK”. And the breathing started slowing down.

I arrived at the right station, and entered the restaurant a minute later. I said hi to my parents and sat down. They asked me how things were going, and then it didn’t take 5 seconds before I broke down. And I hate crying in public.

So… After that little breakdown, I’ve already done some changes. First of all, I’m already on a social media detox. The amount of time I spend on social media is something I’ve found is not healthy. Constantly checking for updates, the need to update everyone else on what you are doing, conversations that lasts too long so you forget what you were REALLY supposed to at that time, comparing yourself to people who seem to have the perfect life etc. The list is long. I announced on Snapchat and Insta that I needed a little break for a couple of days.

Second of all: PRIORITIZING. I think I’ve actually already become better at this before the little incident yesterday. I’ve become better at saying no to things if I don’t feel like it’s giving me that much of a value for the direction I want to go in, and saying no to people who I don’t really feel like give me that much energy. But I definitely need to prioritize school more. I already skipped a birthday party today that I was really looking forward to, to spend the time preparing for finance. Not sure whether I’m going to an event and dinner with the colleagues tomorrow night, but if I’m effective with my studying, I might.

So those two are the most important ones. Luckily, the breakdown didn’t make me feel like I needed a break from school or anything like that. I’m actually more motivated. I’ve read a lot of news within economy, and had a “study videos” marathon on YouTube. studyign, Study With Jess and Ana Mascara are some of my favorites so far! Oh, and I also found out about Doctor Mike and his channel yesterday. For those of you who already knows who he is… I don’t need to say anything more ❤

So, guys. Learn from my experience! Don’t stress yourself out. Don’t stress over your future – it’s OK to be confused, and not know what do yet. And definitely, do NOT start studying like crazy 2 weeks before finals. Effing start early. 🙂 I think I’m already going to read this summer and be prepared for the next semester… Bring it on.

Attending award show: Honoring the ones behind the camera

Gullruten Fagprisen is a Norwegian award show to honor the photographers, video editors etc – basically the “invisible” ones who creates the magic of TV shows and movies in Norway. It was my first time attending this show the other day, and I love that it’s a whole award show dedicated to the master brains behind amazing TV.

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My outfit for the evening. Thanks to Bea for always putting up with me by taking 50 pics, haha… What do you guys think about the outfit?  

Hope everyone have had a fantastic weekend so far!